mel (firefliesnrain) wrote in sweet_girls,

Under the Gaydar

Random post: does anyone out there get mistaken for straight? A lot? I'm a senior in high school, choose not to identify myself since I haven't really had a meaningful relationship yet, but am consistently attracted to women and am sickened at the thought of dating a guy. Men are great to talk to and play videogames with, but they're gross.

Compared to most hetero girls I'm a tomboy (aversion to makeup, skirts, heels, love of gaming, nerd subculture, Xena). I have a bit of a stereotypical lesbian hunch and my hair is around chin length because that's easier to take care of, but at the same time I don't give off a gay vibe at all.  Most of my mannerisms are feminine--stand with my hip popped, sit with my legs crossed, fangirl squeal when I'm excited, sing and dance in place when I'm cheerful and bored with nothing better to do, that sort of thing. Add to that I tend to be pretty physically affectionate with my guy friends (hugging them doesn't affect me, so if I feel like it I will) and terrified of touching my straight female friends--partly because I don't want to freak them out but mostly because hugging them in general definitely does affect me, thankyouverymuch--and you get one sneaky gay.

This tends to be a good thing, since I go to a Catholic high school and homophobia is everywhere. I can check out girls and even if they catch me they tend to assume that I was just spacing out in their general direction or admiring their necklace or jeans or whatever. Totally sucks when it comes to actually meeting available women though. I was at a robotics competition this weekend--huge geek lovefest, it's fantastic--and spotted one super butch girl with her girlfriend and two other girls with short hair that I wasn't sure of but definitely gave off the lesbian vibe. And they noticed each other. But if they looked at me, they kept on looking because they figured I was straight. My mother freaked out when I started dating women--not because she's homophobic, she says, but because I obviously am not a lesbian and she doesn't want me leading on any actual gay girls. One of my good guy friends kept insisting that I was really straight and was faking the whole queer thing and it almost ruined our friendship until he finally just dropped it.

It's not that I have anything against coming across as gay--I'd prefer it to be obvious--but it's not. And even if I did buzz my hair and start wearing boy's clothes I would still prance around like a total flamboyant gay man. I could start adopting stereotypical lesbian mannerisms, but that's hypocritical and not me, so I don't want to do it.

Anyways, is anyone out there regularly mistaken for straight, even by non-heteros? It sucks--I don't fit in with my straight friends, but I don't act like any of the lesbians I've met in real life either.
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